turn off your phone and go to bed
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Every concussion has its silver lining
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.