My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?