Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(714): View more from California

I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.

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(714): I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality. http://tfl.nu/yabq

Replies (10) Good night (777) Bad night (1026)
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(773): View more from Illinois

I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.

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(773): I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you. http://tfl.nu/kzww

Replies (25) Good night (1003) Bad night (2913)
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(408): View more from California

No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.

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(408): No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles. http://tfl.nu/hp1m

Replies (10) Good night (3489) Bad night (873)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.

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(405): I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave. http://tfl.nu/m2vh

Replies (30) Good night (3948) Bad night (658)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?

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(215): How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers? http://tfl.nu/g3e9

Replies (44) Good night (7087) Bad night (1104)
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(515): View more from Iowa

The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.

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(515): The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites. http://tfl.nu/ny6g

Replies (8) Good night (4548) Bad night (1465)
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(678): View more from Georgia

So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.

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(678): So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God. http://tfl.nu/decj

Replies (11) Good night (969) Bad night (3374)
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(507): View more from Minnesota

I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure

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(507): I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure http://tfl.nu/8ozd

Replies (5) Good night (2438) Bad night (968)
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(325): View more from Texas

Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???

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(325): Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong??? http://tfl.nu/adeh

Replies (13) Good night (1059) Bad night (3318)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.

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(610): I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun. http://tfl.nu/gl1b

Replies (6) Good night (1578) Bad night (1122)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.

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(919): I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep. http://tfl.nu/o9nw

Replies (12) Good night (2386) Bad night (1327)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.

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(919): Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice. http://tfl.nu/je3x

Replies (5) Good night (2980) Bad night (759)
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(770): View more from Georgia

Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me

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(770): Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me http://tfl.nu/jae3

Replies (5) Good night (560) Bad night (1360)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.

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(304): It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town. http://tfl.nu/067f

Replies (14) Good night (585) Bad night (863)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

When / where did the additional couches appear?

(732): View more from New Jersey

Additional?

(908): View more from New Jersey

James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.

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(908): When / where did the additional couches appear? (732): Additional? (908): James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up. http://tfl.nu/kn0g

Replies (3) Good night (942) Bad night (317)

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