is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
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Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
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We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.