Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
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You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.