Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
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The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
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I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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