Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
