listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
