Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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