my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
