You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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