i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
