why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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