I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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