white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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