I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
