someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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