My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
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He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
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It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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