True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we made out on top of his cat.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.