Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying

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  (773): I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying http://tfl.nu/t0mj
  Replies (1) Good night (1094) Bad night (1097)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.

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  (920): the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet. http://tfl.nu/lvr3
  Replies (12) Good night (5943) Bad night (978)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.

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  (207): I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow. http://tfl.nu/e26q
  Replies (11) Good night (4262) Bad night (1060)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  she has no idea

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  (973): after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college (973): she has no idea http://tfl.nu/zn6b
  Replies (25) Good night (5255) Bad night (1133)
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.

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  (308): Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning. http://tfl.nu/konb
  Replies (8) Good night (3514) Bad night (963)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.

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  (310): Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention. http://tfl.nu/i2tc
  Replies (17) Good night (2813) Bad night (4470)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.

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  (231): Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here. http://tfl.nu/i6i2
  Replies (10) Good night (3075) Bad night (1145)
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  (310): View more from California

  I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.

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  (310): I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right. http://tfl.nu/p298
  Replies (2) Good night (1985) Bad night (1087)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways

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  (612): I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways http://tfl.nu/wwmk
  Replies (0) Good night (1400) Bad night (724)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots

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  (605): When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots http://tfl.nu/ud2p
  Replies (7) Good night (1358) Bad night (650)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on

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  (512): Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on http://tfl.nu/5wd1
  Replies (10) Good night (1069) Bad night (526)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.

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  (785): When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die. http://tfl.nu/c7go
  Replies (4) Good night (1503) Bad night (501)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse

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  (970): I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse http://tfl.nu/rdry
  Replies (22) Good night (1149) Bad night (2403)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.

  (563): View more from Iowa

  How is that low? I love carrots.

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  (720): I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low. (563): How is that low? I love carrots. http://tfl.nu/c1zp
  Replies (0) Good night (807) Bad night (215)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering

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  (401): The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering http://tfl.nu/kjma
  Replies (0) Good night (359) Bad night (269)

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