If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?