i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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