She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
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I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."