She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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