In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize