How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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