So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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