There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
