Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I stole a fireplace last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize