I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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