I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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