The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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