how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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