Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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