I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
