My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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