I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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