just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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