Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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