I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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