K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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