He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
