32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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