I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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