you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
