Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize