that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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