I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
