fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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