I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
