he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize