just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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