I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
whose ass print is on the piano?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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