apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
