fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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