I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My life is pants optional.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
