on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We talked him into tasing himself.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
