Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
