thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
