First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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