A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
