ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
