You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
