i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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