My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
