I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I want a musical about memes.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
