No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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