On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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