Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
