It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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