I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
